omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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