TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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