If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
