So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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