my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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