my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
