I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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