Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
