its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize