Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
