Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
