i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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