Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize