My balls are so social today.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
