So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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