I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
