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Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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