the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
