It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize