Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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