I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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