She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
