Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize