Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
