i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
