trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize