So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
