"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
