The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
