Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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