I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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