I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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