if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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