OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
