k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
