i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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