Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
