Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
