I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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