WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize