Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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