Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
