thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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