Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize