you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
