Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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