shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
