I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
