Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
