first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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