I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
