Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
