This is not my ceiling
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
