Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize