What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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