I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
