Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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