Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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