Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
