Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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