dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
