It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize