She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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