Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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