i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
