My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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