When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So much rum. So many feels.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
