marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
