I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Green mimosas i think yes
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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