On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
