he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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