u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
