Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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