WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
