toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
