Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
