You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
