I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
