I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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