I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
