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the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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