hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
