Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize