Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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