Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
