So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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