i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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