I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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