in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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