party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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