I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
