i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
