so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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