i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
