yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
