Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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