cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
