theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
