Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just threw up on my dentist
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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