you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
