clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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