...so i touched it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
